When A Dictator Dies
As a tragically online person, I don't know whether the relatively well-adjusted and offline among us have heard the rumor that Trump is already dead, or at least on death's door. I do know, however, that it's been all over Bluesky and TikTok.
This particular rumor has been building steam since July, as doctors, nurses and posters across the country responded to images of the president with visually swollen ankles and concealer-slathered dark purple bruises on the back of his hand. But the rumors really took off after a viral video from TikTok user @epistemiccrisis, a practicing physical therapist, claimed that Trump showed definite signs of late stage congestive heart failure and chronic kidney disease, and had at most 6 to 8 months to live.
A few days later, word began to spread that he hadn't gone golfing in two weeks – the longest period of time without a golf trip in his 4.5 years in office. In the last days of August people began noticing he hadn't even been seen in public after a cabinet meeting that Tuesday the 26th– and that a series of planned events and public appearance had been canceled, his calendar fully cleared out.
On August 27th USA Today published an interview with JD Vance where he said, should the worst occur, he was ready to take over. Press pool members were saying they hadn't seen DJT in person in days. A bizarre video captured objects being thrown out a window from the White House's residential wing on Labor Day.
In July the Trump administration claimed that he simply has a mild and benign veinous condition, and in August ür-fascist creep Karoline Leavitt claimed that the bruises on the back of his hand were from giving so many handshakes, the kind of hilarious audacious lie we used to be able to expect from the man himself before severe cognitive decline sapped his ability to make jokes.
That's already more details than you really need, to be honest, but the rumor itself has clearly buoyed spirits across the internet as memes and jokes proliferate. Here are a few of my favorites.
While this is all clearly cope, I'm enjoying watching it, feeling the feelings it promises. Why not? The idea that he's gonna die in the next few days or weeks makes me feel good, and his relative absence from the public sphere is to be celebrated, no matter the cause.
The rumors have gotten loud enough that it is clearly bothering Trump (or at least his Weekend-at-Bernie's social media manager), with an all-caps Truth Social post on Sunday claiming "NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE", while a few carefully staged "candid" photo-ops only spurred rumors as he looked sallow and unwell, even for him. He's holding a press conference about the space force as I write this, a proof-of-life performance likely to put an end to this fun little stretch of jokes and pleasure, but it was nice while it lasted.
Still, I think it is worth thinking through what would happen were the man to die, because it's one of the situations where a rapid realignment of political realities would provide distinct opportunities and dangers for the rest of us.
Party in the Streets
First things first: the party when he dies is gonna be so lit. There is going to be dancing in the streets and at least two days of de facto national holiday. And not just in the US, but all over the world, folks are gonna party hard. It's gonna be so much fun.
I think it would behoove us, with some warning in hand, to prepare ourselves for said party. It's likely phone networks will be swamped and overwhelmed: do you and your friends have a meeting spot in the neighborhood where y'all can gather when it happens? If you want booze or other drugs, do you have them ready to go in amounts enough to share? Maybe there's a business district or main street where you might be able to make artistic improvements or acquire steeply discounted materials? What would become possible in the moment of total joy, pleasure and rupture?
